; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
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