so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
