There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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