Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
