walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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