i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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