You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
Randomize
