K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
