Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
