I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
