fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
Apparently all year they've been using me as a standard of drunkenness
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
