Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
BRING THE BAGELS
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Randomize
