his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
