there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
