Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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