Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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