Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
