so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
