I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
