so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
