I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
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