so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
