Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
