sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
