Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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