eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
Randomize
