we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
i now understand why vodka
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
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