Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
I just had sex on a roof
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
