i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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