...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
