i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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