Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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