I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
