it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
