Already got asked if we're dating
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Randomize
