haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
