I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
