I love black thongs
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
