worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
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