She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
