we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
