Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Randomize
