I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
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