dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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