I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
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