Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
