i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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