She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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