i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
