Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Randomize
