god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
