I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
