How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
